Alle Artikel in der Kategorie “Liebe

Kommentare 10

She is here!!!

Our little girl has arrived safe and sound and my world has new colour ever since. This pregnancy was hard and in so many ways, her arrival feels like redemption – like a new morning, after a dark night – like a fresh start.

My dear beautiful, perfect girl,

I have no words for the joy I feel, to finally hold you in my arms, healthy and happy. You were so worth the ride. You complete our family and you are such a blessing. When you were born, spring finally came, the sun has been shining all week, the trees turned green. Today is Easter Sunday, there is new life everywhere now and all of that feels very, very fitting.
Birth, newborn life and shifting into a family of five has had it’s challenges, naturally. But we are so lucky to have you and we are so thankful, cause life looks pretty good with you in it.

You are a dream come true.
I love you always and forever,
Your Mama

P.S: Ihr lieben Mitlesenden, DANKE, dass ihr die Geschichte unserer kleinen Tochter mitverfolgt habt. Danke auch für alles Mitfiebern, Anfeuern und die Vorfreude. Ich mag sehr gerne mehr erzählen  (z.B. ihren Namen, hihi) – wenn du mehr wissen magst, dann schreib mir einfach. (In einem Zeitraum zwischen den nächsten zwei Stunden und den nächsten vier Monaten werde ich garantiert antworten, hehe.)

Kommentare 4

*23 weeks

My alarm goes off at 6 something a.m. and my bed is peaceful and heavenly warm. So heavenly warm! But reason wins – I can’t face this day without a coffee in peace – so I make my way down to the kitchen, shivering in the cold. When the coffee is ready, the remaining family members have already knocked to tell me to come upstairs three times. Armored with my coffee, I make my way upstairs to face the drill of my kids putting on cloth. The five-year-old is cooperating to my surprise, but the three-year-old is – well, three. She refuses to wear anything but a dress. There are tears and kicks. We head downstairs, the adventcalender needs to be opened and the favorite pair of gloves is nowhere to be found. There are two other options for gloves, both entirely unacceptable for my five-year-old. When we finally leave the house, the loss of time is tolerable, the loss of my patience is absolutely not. „Those kids“, as a friend has put it so wisely one day, „those kids, they just don’t function the way they should“. Ahem. We take a different route than usual, because no-one listens to me and my fingers are freezing, cause guess who happily wears my gloves now? We pass the crosswalk and I silently thank God that it went smoothly, the traffic is so crazy at this time a day. Why, I start wondering, why do we do this to ourselves? Starting the day in such a crazy and stressful way seems nothing but wrong. How can life be this exhausting, right after we woke up?
We arrive at the Kindergarten and even though I don’t usually do this, I take off all the little coats and gloves and heats and kids shoes and put on slippers, because maybe, through a miracle of bending time, I will make it to my appointment in time. Love is sworn, kisses are blown and shortly after, I sit in the waiting room, still breathing heavy from riding my bike in the rain. I look over the skyline of the city, all beautiful and crisp and wonder what this day will bring. My husband will sign this contract today, this contract, that will professionally keep him – and us with him – in this city for the next years. School will start in the fall, will that mean, that those stressful mornings are here to stay?! We will also meet with the bank today, to look into buying a place to live (not that we plan that, but still) and all of this feels suddenly huge and meaningful and also heavy and very, very -uhm, tied down. Oh boy. I suddenly feel the strong urge to pack up my family and leave the country. Then my name is called.
The doctor says: „it will be a bit cold“ and then rubs glibbery stuff on my belly. The room is quiet and dark and the thoughts in my head are still swirling and then – I suddenly see you. I see you. And everything seems to fall into place, seems to quiet down. Somewhere far away, I hear the doctor say „it’s a girl!“ and after that, can’t see or hear anything else anymore. All I see is you. Your perfect form, the bones in your body, the tiny fingers you hold in front of your face. For a moment, you look exactly like your sister, the one, who is crazy about dresses and I feel silent tears dripping down my face and drop on the cushion that is covered with a paper towel. You are here. You are a miracle. Your body is a miracle. And mine is, too. While things have been a wild whirlwind here on the outside, the job commitements, the house hunting plans, the children and the traffic, the thousand little and big troubles of this pregnancy, that drain so much of my energy – all this wild chaos outside and inside? Inside, my body has helped build yours, all those teeny tiny bones of your little spine are in place and all those organs are working. Everything is being build by this secret and miraculous plan my body knows all by itself. While I ache and groan and my head can’t stop swirling, you are being build. Althought I don’t contribute anything consiously, althought I didn’t do anything to earn this.
Thank you, my miraculous and wonderful daughter. My head stopped swirling today and I put it straight into a cloud, dreaming of you and this miracle inside my body, all day long.

Kommentare 0

*21 weeks: the nest

My dear sweet Baby. I bet, when you are able to read this one day, you’ve heard the story a thousand times. The story of us waiting for you and me being impatient after about one week (you will also have found out by then, that patience is not exactly my strong suit. Ahem). So while I was waiting and praying for you and also for our new home, one day, God gave me great encouragement through a picture. In the summer, when the windows where open, a dove had gotten into my sacret attic space, where I sit and write each day, and this dove managed to build a small nest and in this nest, there was an egg. And egg and a nest – exactly the two things I have been praying for and longing for, this whole time.  And two weeks later, I took a pregancy test, that was positive. Hooray, YOU are on the way! I hoped, we will also find a new place to live by the time you arrive, but actually, we are still looking and the chances of us moving are shrinking by the minute. So when I talked to my great friend and even greater spiritual director Kristian about it, he gently offered some helpful advice: we are pretty good at seeing Gods signs and the ways, he talks to us. But there is more than one way to interpret those signs (and we’re sometimes not equally skilled at interpreting, ahem). I saw a nest and an egg. And the egg-part has become reality and well, right now, you my little egg are settled in the best nest there is. You are safe and warm, nourished and protected – by me. I am your nest. This new perspective brought a whole new wave of encouragement. Cause Baby, I wanna keep being your nest, just like I am for your sweet sisters. And while I have a tendency to spot all the little wholes and flaws, I am actually a good nest.
So sit tight, little Baby birdy. We may not have a new place to live, once you arrive, but I promise, you will have a warm and safe nest with us.

Kommentare 4

Von der schönsten Zeit in meinem Leben.

Ich sitze im roten Sessel und mein Kopf rattert. Das Wochenede war schnell und voll, die Erholung ist irgendwie auf der Strecke geblieben, Mist. Die Mädels waren heute anstrengend, süß und anstrengend, was insgesamt eine schlechte Bilanz ist. Außerdem haben wir umgeräumt, eine totale Impuls-Aktion, die zwar dringend nötig war, allerdings erstmal mehr Chaos verursacht hat, als vorher da war (und da war schon Chaos). Mist. Ich habe über dem Umräumen heute bestimmt 5 Dinge vergessen, 2 davon von großer Wichtigkeit (die Dunkelziffer ist höher).
(Aber die habe ich vergessen)

Außerdem spuken mir die großen Fragen des Lebens im Kopf herum: Wie und wo wollen wir leben, was wollen wir verändern, wohin investieren wir unsere Zeit und unsere Kraft, was ist für diese unsere Familie das Beste? Herrjemine.

Wärend die Denkfabrik also rattert und rauscht, merke ich auf einmal, dass das schwere, zarte Bündel Mensch auf mir eingeschlafen ist. Schon lange. Ehrlich gesagt schon bei der ersten Liedzeile. Krass, denke ich. Ich sitze hier und denke und grübel, dass es nur so rattert und das Kind findet, dass es keinen friedlicheren und gemütlicheren Ort gibt, als mich. Wie ich das in ihr auslösen kann mit all meine Kopf-Hektik ist mir schleierhaft, aber wenigstens, immerhin schaffe ich es endlich, mich von ihrem Frieden anstecken zu lassen. Ich sinke tiefer in den roten Sessel, streichel ihren Kopf und fürchte, dass ich Platzen muss, so sehr lieb ich sie. Dieses Kind, hach. Und dann denke ich, was ich schon oft dachte, dort in diesem roten Sessel. Ich werde daran zurück denken, wenn die Nächte, in denen sie auf meinem Schoß einschlafen wollt längst vergangen sind und ich werde wissen, was ich jetzt auch schon weiß: Diese Zeit mit dem langsam einschlafenden Kind auf meinem Schoß, diese Zeit gehört zur schönsten Zeit meines Lebens.

Und irgendwie, einfach so, löst sich der Wirbel in meinem Kopf
dann doch noch auf.

Eine endlich-friedliche Bini