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Kommentare 6

She is here!!!

Our little girl has arrived safe and sound and my world has new colour ever since. This pregnancy was hard and in so many ways, her arrival feels like redemption – like a new morning, after a dark night – like a fresh start.

My dear beautiful, perfect girl,

I have no words for the joy I feel, to finally hold you in my arms, healthy and happy. You were so worth the ride. You complete our family and you are such a blessing. When you were born, spring finally came, the sun has been shining all week, the trees turned green. Today is Easter Sunday, there is new life everywhere now and all of that feels very, very fitting.
Birth, newborn life and shifting into a family of five has had it’s challenges, naturally. But we are so lucky to have you and we are so thankful, cause life looks pretty good with you in it.

You are a dream come true.
I love you always and forever,
Your Mama

P.S: Ihr lieben Mitlesenden, DANKE, dass ihr die Geschichte unserer kleinen Tochter mitverfolgt habt. Danke auch für alles Mitfiebern, Anfeuern und die Vorfreude. Ich mag sehr gerne mehr erzählen  (z.B. ihren Namen, hihi) – wenn du mehr wissen magst, dann schreib mir einfach. (In einem Zeitraum zwischen den nächsten zwei Stunden und den nächsten vier Monaten werde ich garantiert antworten, hehe.)

Kommentare 0

*36 weeks: I’m ready, whenever you are.

My sweet little Baby.
So as of this week, I can officially go to the same hospital, where your sisters were born, if you decide to come early. For me, that was kind of the deal breaker. Meaning – as of this week: you can come whenever you are ready. I’m ready, too. Yes, there are still appointments (docs and acupuncture and last things to organize). Yes, there are still shopping lists (how many diapers will you need in that first week??). Yes, there are still texts and calls and yes, there are still older kids to pick up from Kindergarten and to entertain – but honestly? All this can wait, if you decide to come. (But I totally get it, if you decide to stay put for a while. You have some weeks left, after all!) Either way: I’m ready, whenever you are.

Kommentare 0

*35 weeks: the one with all the laundry.

Oh Baby, it’s getting real over here! I’ve been washing and folding Baby clothes, it’s been fun and soothing and I am getting just sooooo excited for your arrival! There are some last things to do (always), but we are heading towards the finish line and this hungry Mama is ready (to be able to eat normal again. Also to see your lovely face. Definiately in reversed order.)

In the meantime, I will fold tiny Baby clothes and dream of you.

 

Kommentare 0

*33 weeks: the (season) finale is near!

Oh, dear Baby,
your Daddy and I watched so much of the TV Show „Suits“ during this pregnancy, I would not be entirely surprised, if you were born with a tie, a glas of whiskey in your hand and a kick-ass-attitude, just like the lawyers in „Suits“. I wonder, if I should play you the theme song as a lullaby to help you sleep, once you are here. I also wonder, if you are already fluent in English (with all the legal terms, of course). And I wonder, if you learned some of Harveys tricks and adapted some of Donnas genius. We’ll see. The season finale is near and I am not sure, how life will continue afterwards.
(Then on the other hand, this pregnancy’s finale is also near, so I do know exactly, how life will continue afterwards. Oh yes!)

Also: as it happens, you are due right along with the new royal baby in Duchess Meghans belly. Yes, that Meghan, who played Rachel on „Suits“. This will of course be either your royal best girlfriend or maybe your future husband. I know, Baby. You are welcome.

Let’s enjoy the rest of the show!
(both: „Suits“ and this pregnancy! Yeah!)

Kommentare 13

*29 weeks: help wanted!

My dear Baby, please excuse me while I use this belly growing diary for a moment to make a public announcement: help wanted!!

Dear reader, whoever you are, I have a question for you. Since I currently prepare for life with three children, with a head full of ideas for my creative work and an apartment that has two floors (practical annoyance), I feel desperate dedicated to make the household/life maintenance/family management workload as easy to tackle as humanly possible. So. I am looking for all the tips and  tricks I can get. Anything.

I’ll offer you my best trick in return: this last year I started laundry day and instead of having to do laundry always (and it never ends), I do all of it on Monday (and Tuesday, it depends) and then I am done for the week. I’ve heard of the „one load a day“ method, but this works far better for me.

Oh and I copied a golden trick from my friend Lena (hi Lena!): I make my bed every day. It seems unnecessary to do something for the sole reason of prettiness (it won’t feed anyone after all!), but that is also the luxury of it. As the belly grows, I dread it, cause I’m uncomfortable, but if my bed is pretty and my kitchen is clean (only clean room in the house, but always clean), I feel like I can do life.

So now it’s your turn. Tell me what you do, that makes domestic life easier! You don’t have to be a mom. You just have to be a person that lives somewhere other than a Hotel. ;)

Everything is appreciated! Thank you so much for your help!

Kommentare 0

*27 weeks: GIRLS NIGHT!

Baby girl, have I told you how excited I am to become a mom of THREE girls? It’s like the coolest thing ever is happening to me.
In the beginning of this pregnancy, everything felt so different, I was sure you would be a boy. When it turned out you weren’t, I was shocked. Your Daddy on the other hand, needed about a millisecond to be excited for his third Baby girl. And of course I joined him shortly after – now I feel so thankful for the little girl-tribe I get to be with.

Once you get to know all of us properly, you will find out, that you father is a very strong man. But even the strongest one can only go so long without a little outside testosterone. Ahem. So „guys night out“ is the new thing we establish around here, which ever so conveniently results in „girls night in“! Hooray! So much fun!
So for a weekend, your Daddy went on a little snow-adventure in Switzerland and us girls had the best. time. ever. There was ice-cream in bed. And popcorn at the puppet theater. And just lots of special girls moment.
We will practive our *awesome-girls-night-routine* and I am sure we will have it DOWN, once you arrive. We can’t wait for you to join us!

P.S. My best friend (hi Beth!) pointed out to me, that I don’t even look pregnant in this picture. I told Dominik about it and we laughed SO hard. She hasn’t seen me (that’s the dumb thing about a best friend, who lives in Alaska) and she is of course right about the picture. But in real life? Safe to say I look PLENTY pregnant.

Kommentare 0

*26 weeks: decluttering life

Baby, it’s safe to say I am in full-on nesting mode.
We currently have a Netflix account, so while we do, I watch Marie Kondos documentary, declutter my life and only keep things that „spark joy“. It is SO GOOD. I got rid of two thirds of the girls toys in the living room and they don’t even miss anything. It feels sooo refreshing! It’s almost scary what a powerful impact it has on my mood and my well-being.
Whenever your Daddy can’t find something, he shruggs and says – „well, she has probably discarded it“. So let’s hope, in my rage of cleaning out EVERYTHING, that we still have the essentials for your arrival :)

Kommentare 0

*25 weeks: You’re not alone.

When I was working out, a little while ago, this song started playing and I was surprised by how it hit me. „You’re not alone…“ A tear fell down on my yoga mat, as I realized: I have felt so very alone. So entirely isolated in this experience, that is so immensly different for every woman. I am sure, most joys and pains of pregnancy and early childhood years are very universal and so many can relate to so many single issues. Still, the overall experience is not quite compareable. I remember things mostly foggy from my pregnancies or the time after, but I remember vividly, that the second time around it was a dark and rough time – for month and month. Being alone in charge of two, a newborn and a two-year-old, not functioning well with my hurting body and my sleep-deprived mind – was the most overwhelming time of my life. A big part of the challenge in parenting is, that you need to deal with what you’ve been given. And I struggled with that. I struggled with not being in charge of my own life, but letting the force of nature be. I wish I could say I made my peace with it, but I have not. I was terrified, to hold another positive pregnacy test as much as I was ecstatic to welcome another little soul into our family. We longed for you, sweet Baby, we prayed and hoped for you. I am excited beyond words to meet you, but make no mistake, I am also terrified of the time ahead of me. It both excists in my heart. And I hope, one day, when you read this and are old enough to understand, you will see how much I loved you, so much in fact, that one day the missing-you in our family grew bigger than my fear. And we leaped. And now you’re on your way.

Since I find it so hard to put into words what my experience was like the last time, it makes me so much more alone. Your Daddy is on my side, of course, but there is no way in the world, he could ever understand everything I have been through. He makes an effort to try, though. And so does God. And God recently told me:
actually, you’re not alone.

You see, if you look at this picture closely it is sort of funny (cause it is very obvious), that I am in fact not alone. You’re right there with me. In the same way, you are not alone, because I am all around you. I’ve begun to understand, that that is what God tries to whiper to me every day. „You’re not alone, I am all around you.“ So as I walk – sometimes brave and strong, sometimes weary and fearful – into this challenging season of birth and post-partum and the first year with a newborn as a mom of three, I try to remember this: As much as it feels like it some days, I am not alone. And neither are you.

Kommentare 4

*23 weeks

My alarm goes off at 6 something a.m. and my bed is peaceful and heavenly warm. So heavenly warm! But reason wins – I can’t face this day without a coffee in peace – so I make my way down to the kitchen, shivering in the cold. When the coffee is ready, the remaining family members have already knocked to tell me to come upstairs three times. Armored with my coffee, I make my way upstairs to face the drill of my kids putting on cloth. The five-year-old is cooperating to my surprise, but the three-year-old is – well, three. She refuses to wear anything but a dress. There are tears and kicks. We head downstairs, the adventcalender needs to be opened and the favorite pair of gloves is nowhere to be found. There are two other options for gloves, both entirely unacceptable for my five-year-old. When we finally leave the house, the loss of time is tolerable, the loss of my patience is absolutely not. „Those kids“, as a friend has put it so wisely one day, „those kids, they just don’t function the way they should“. Ahem. We take a different route than usual, because no-one listens to me and my fingers are freezing, cause guess who happily wears my gloves now? We pass the crosswalk and I silently thank God that it went smoothly, the traffic is so crazy at this time a day. Why, I start wondering, why do we do this to ourselves? Starting the day in such a crazy and stressful way seems nothing but wrong. How can life be this exhausting, right after we woke up?
We arrive at the Kindergarten and even though I don’t usually do this, I take off all the little coats and gloves and heats and kids shoes and put on slippers, because maybe, through a miracle of bending time, I will make it to my appointment in time. Love is sworn, kisses are blown and shortly after, I sit in the waiting room, still breathing heavy from riding my bike in the rain. I look over the skyline of the city, all beautiful and crisp and wonder what this day will bring. My husband will sign this contract today, this contract, that will professionally keep him – and us with him – in this city for the next years. School will start in the fall, will that mean, that those stressful mornings are here to stay?! We will also meet with the bank today, to look into buying a place to live (not that we plan that, but still) and all of this feels suddenly huge and meaningful and also heavy and very, very -uhm, tied down. Oh boy. I suddenly feel the strong urge to pack up my family and leave the country. Then my name is called.
The doctor says: „it will be a bit cold“ and then rubs glibbery stuff on my belly. The room is quiet and dark and the thoughts in my head are still swirling and then – I suddenly see you. I see you. And everything seems to fall into place, seems to quiet down. Somewhere far away, I hear the doctor say „it’s a girl!“ and after that, can’t see or hear anything else anymore. All I see is you. Your perfect form, the bones in your body, the tiny fingers you hold in front of your face. For a moment, you look exactly like your sister, the one, who is crazy about dresses and I feel silent tears dripping down my face and drop on the cushion that is covered with a paper towel. You are here. You are a miracle. Your body is a miracle. And mine is, too. While things have been a wild whirlwind here on the outside, the job commitements, the house hunting plans, the children and the traffic, the thousand little and big troubles of this pregnancy, that drain so much of my energy – all this wild chaos outside and inside? Inside, my body has helped build yours, all those teeny tiny bones of your little spine are in place and all those organs are working. Everything is being build by this secret and miraculous plan my body knows all by itself. While I ache and groan and my head can’t stop swirling, you are being build. Althought I don’t contribute anything consiously, althought I didn’t do anything to earn this.
Thank you, my miraculous and wonderful daughter. My head stopped swirling today and I put it straight into a cloud, dreaming of you and this miracle inside my body, all day long.